I love this Meggen. I love the curious folks of this life, I think I spent most of a lifetime thinking everyone ‘else’ had it figured out. Maybe this is the beginning of a quiet revolution as I know this will strike a chord with many others! Thanks for wondering- and letting us know we’re not the only ones!
Chris, thank you. I love your idea of a quiet revolution. It begins the moment we stop pretending everyone else has it all figured out. Thanks for wondering alongside me—and for being one of the people who always keeps these conversations interesting. 😊
We almost simultaneously published different versions of the same musing. Jinx! Yes, everyone is figuring it out as they go along. It is a big quiet conspiracy of silence among professionals in every field. Oh my God, people think I know what I m doing! I'd better act that way....
This was actually kind of my job as a hospice nurse. I'd come in like a modern shaman, shake my feathered stick over a patient and mumble incantations like "everything is going fine here" while inside I'm wondering what the f*ck to do next. Every death is different, and I was the answer man.
My confidence and calm, however internally manufactured, has an effect on everyone in the room. In that "the expert is here" space things could just happen, which is all death really needs from the living. I accepted praise for being the expert, but all I was really expert in was concealing my uncertainty
Jinx indeed! And what a wonderful story. That last line especially stayed with me. I think experience doesn't erase uncertainty so much as teach us how to carry it with a little more grace. Thank you for adding this perspective—it fits beautifully with the conversation. I'll head over and read your latest piece, too. It sounds like our essays found each other.
…almost no one feels as certain as they sound, some are just better at packaging the uncertainty. That’s the whole quiet racket of the guru: the packaging is the product. What makes an essayist worth trusting is the refusal to sell it. You get the thinking with the seams still showing. And “I’m still figuring it out, I just no longer mistake that for failure” is the sentence a lot of us needed years to earn. It’s the difference between wandering and being lost — same terrain, completely different relationship to it.
Ooh, I love how you describe this! You are one hundred percent right. This line—the difference between wandering and being lost nails it. Thank you for reading and sharing your perspective. 💛
This resonated with me. I think midlife teaches us that growth comes from staying curious, not having everything figured out. I've become much more comfortable saying, "I'm still learning," and there's something incredibly freeing about that.
I am so happy to hear that Jennifer:) Darn straight there is freedom in saying as much and it is a beautiful thing. It is like found time. Now there is free space to worry about other things. 😅
I liked this. Most people are figuring things out as they go, even if they seem confident. Sometimes a good question is more helpful than a perfect answer.
What happened to the writer is not what matters; what matters is the large sense that the writer is able to make of what happened. — Vivian Gornick. (I am an essayist too. And I agree it is about the investigation.)
I love that quote. 💛 Thank you for sharing it. And yes...I think "the investigation" is exactly the right word. That's what keeps bringing me back to essays. They're one of the few places where curiosity doesn't need to arrive at certainty to feel complete. So lovely to meet a fellow essayist here:)
Thank you so much. 💛 That means a great deal to me. I hope it always feels like a place where we can explore our shared humanness with curiosity rather than certainty. I'm so glad you're here:)
“They’re allowed to begin with, ‘I’ve been wondering...’”
“They’re allowed to end with, ‘I’m still thinking about it.’”
Well...
Meggen- now I'm wondering how an essay can feel so complete while leaving me with so much to think about. Thank you for reminding us that curiosity is every bit as valuable as certainty.
I'm still thinking about it... and I suspect I will be for quite a while. 😊
VJ, thank you. I love that those lines struck a chord, and your first sentence made me smile. 😊 I think you've captured exactly what I hope essays can do—not necessarily provide closure, but leave us with better questions than the ones we started with. I'm grateful you're still thinking about it...and for all the thoughtful conversations we've shared along the way:)
I think this is why essays have always felt like such a generous form of writing. They don’t ask us to arrive—they simply ask us to pay attention. Some of the most meaningful shifts in my own life came not from finally finding an answer, but from living the question long enough for it to reshape me. Thanks for this ♥️
Thank you so much. 💛 Your comment feels like a little essay of its own. I especially loved, "living the question long enough for it to reshape me." What a beautiful way to describe the process. I have a feeling I'll be carrying that sentence around with me for a while. Thank you for sharing it @Emilie Glavin. ♥️
I really enjoy reading your work. I always gain knowledge from your pieces.
Reading this was such a relief—it’s like a weight lifted off my shoulders to realize that everyone is just winging it. I’ve spent so much time pressuring myself to have all the answers, but now I’m finally letting that go. Life doesn't come with a manual. Being a work-in-progress isn't a failure; it’s just honestly how life is supposed to be lived.
Thank you so much. That means a lot, especially because I genuinely enjoy your work too. I think that's exactly it—we don't have to have all the answers. We just have to keep paying attention and be willing to keep learning. Other people can offer perspective, but each of us still has to find our own way. I'm so glad the essay resonated.
That really resonates with me. Finding someone else who is willing to stay curious while still figuring things out is so encouraging. Thank you for sharing your thoughts—they’ve been a huge inspiration
Alix, thank you. That truly means a lot. I think we're all figuring it out as we go—some of us are just a little more willing to say it out loud. I'm really glad this resonated, and I'm grateful our connection here.
Loved this article. It made me think I often start my pieces with a question. I now consider myself in esteemed company😉🤣
Ha! I'll happily keep the company. 😊 I think good questions have a way of opening doors that statements sometimes close.😉
Being curious is a seriously great mindset. We have a 5 year old that lives beside us. Every conversation is a barrage of questions.
I truly hope for her that that never changes.
I hope so too. Kids have such a natural sense of wonder. My hope is that life doesn't teach it out of any of us.
I love this Meggen. I love the curious folks of this life, I think I spent most of a lifetime thinking everyone ‘else’ had it figured out. Maybe this is the beginning of a quiet revolution as I know this will strike a chord with many others! Thanks for wondering- and letting us know we’re not the only ones!
Chris, thank you. I love your idea of a quiet revolution. It begins the moment we stop pretending everyone else has it all figured out. Thanks for wondering alongside me—and for being one of the people who always keeps these conversations interesting. 😊
We almost simultaneously published different versions of the same musing. Jinx! Yes, everyone is figuring it out as they go along. It is a big quiet conspiracy of silence among professionals in every field. Oh my God, people think I know what I m doing! I'd better act that way....
This was actually kind of my job as a hospice nurse. I'd come in like a modern shaman, shake my feathered stick over a patient and mumble incantations like "everything is going fine here" while inside I'm wondering what the f*ck to do next. Every death is different, and I was the answer man.
My confidence and calm, however internally manufactured, has an effect on everyone in the room. In that "the expert is here" space things could just happen, which is all death really needs from the living. I accepted praise for being the expert, but all I was really expert in was concealing my uncertainty
Jinx indeed! And what a wonderful story. That last line especially stayed with me. I think experience doesn't erase uncertainty so much as teach us how to carry it with a little more grace. Thank you for adding this perspective—it fits beautifully with the conversation. I'll head over and read your latest piece, too. It sounds like our essays found each other.
…almost no one feels as certain as they sound, some are just better at packaging the uncertainty. That’s the whole quiet racket of the guru: the packaging is the product. What makes an essayist worth trusting is the refusal to sell it. You get the thinking with the seams still showing. And “I’m still figuring it out, I just no longer mistake that for failure” is the sentence a lot of us needed years to earn. It’s the difference between wandering and being lost — same terrain, completely different relationship to it.
Ooh, I love how you describe this! You are one hundred percent right. This line—the difference between wandering and being lost nails it. Thank you for reading and sharing your perspective. 💛
I know that many of us feel uncertain, questions keep us interested and curious. This is a great topic, Meggen.
Thank you Susan:) I hope to always remain inquisitive.
I enjoyed reading this very much - and, as a fledgling essayist new to Substack these words spoke to me and my own experience. Thank you ❤️
Awww, I love to hear that:) I am glad you are here! 🤗✨
This resonated with me. I think midlife teaches us that growth comes from staying curious, not having everything figured out. I've become much more comfortable saying, "I'm still learning," and there's something incredibly freeing about that.
I am so happy to hear that Jennifer:) Darn straight there is freedom in saying as much and it is a beautiful thing. It is like found time. Now there is free space to worry about other things. 😅
I liked this. Most people are figuring things out as they go, even if they seem confident. Sometimes a good question is more helpful than a perfect answer.
I am so glad to hear Denise:) Thank you for reading.
What happened to the writer is not what matters; what matters is the large sense that the writer is able to make of what happened. — Vivian Gornick. (I am an essayist too. And I agree it is about the investigation.)
I love that quote. 💛 Thank you for sharing it. And yes...I think "the investigation" is exactly the right word. That's what keeps bringing me back to essays. They're one of the few places where curiosity doesn't need to arrive at certainty to feel complete. So lovely to meet a fellow essayist here:)
Love this Meggen! It’s where I’m at too. Thank you for keeping company and holding space. 💚✨
I am so glad Meera & likewise! 🤍✨🌿
Thank you for saying it so wonderfully. Such a sense of belonging knowing that this is a safe space to explore our collective humanness.
Thank you so much. 💛 That means a great deal to me. I hope it always feels like a place where we can explore our shared humanness with curiosity rather than certainty. I'm so glad you're here:)
“They’re allowed to begin with, ‘I’ve been wondering...’”
“They’re allowed to end with, ‘I’m still thinking about it.’”
Well...
Meggen- now I'm wondering how an essay can feel so complete while leaving me with so much to think about. Thank you for reminding us that curiosity is every bit as valuable as certainty.
I'm still thinking about it... and I suspect I will be for quite a while. 😊
VJ, thank you. I love that those lines struck a chord, and your first sentence made me smile. 😊 I think you've captured exactly what I hope essays can do—not necessarily provide closure, but leave us with better questions than the ones we started with. I'm grateful you're still thinking about it...and for all the thoughtful conversations we've shared along the way:)
I think this is why essays have always felt like such a generous form of writing. They don’t ask us to arrive—they simply ask us to pay attention. Some of the most meaningful shifts in my own life came not from finally finding an answer, but from living the question long enough for it to reshape me. Thanks for this ♥️
Thank you so much. 💛 Your comment feels like a little essay of its own. I especially loved, "living the question long enough for it to reshape me." What a beautiful way to describe the process. I have a feeling I'll be carrying that sentence around with me for a while. Thank you for sharing it @Emilie Glavin. ♥️
I really enjoy reading your work. I always gain knowledge from your pieces.
Reading this was such a relief—it’s like a weight lifted off my shoulders to realize that everyone is just winging it. I’ve spent so much time pressuring myself to have all the answers, but now I’m finally letting that go. Life doesn't come with a manual. Being a work-in-progress isn't a failure; it’s just honestly how life is supposed to be lived.
Thank you so much. That means a lot, especially because I genuinely enjoy your work too. I think that's exactly it—we don't have to have all the answers. We just have to keep paying attention and be willing to keep learning. Other people can offer perspective, but each of us still has to find our own way. I'm so glad the essay resonated.
That really resonates with me. Finding someone else who is willing to stay curious while still figuring things out is so encouraging. Thank you for sharing your thoughts—they’ve been a huge inspiration
Alix, thank you. That truly means a lot. I think we're all figuring it out as we go—some of us are just a little more willing to say it out loud. I'm really glad this resonated, and I'm grateful our connection here.
The feeling is mutual, Meggen. I'm really glad our paths crossed here, too. Looking forward to more of your thoughts.
These are the types of exchanges that give me a little hope for humanity:) Thank you.
That means the world to me. Thank you for being part of that hope, Meggen.